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But during his rocket-like shot to the top, Harvey had his share of relationships and gained a lot of experience with women. Now he's turning this experience into sage advice for the fairer sex. Check out an excerpt of the book below, then head to the "GMA" Library for other great re. One of those that stood out most was the lifestyle of a famous and well-regarded celebrity, whose name I'm just going to go ahead and keep to myself. But this much I will tell you: this man had it all—money, fame, and a bevy of super-beauties so bad he could have easily made Hugh Hefner scratch his head and wonder how he could get in on that action.
I mean this man was surrounded by gorgeous women. A lot. And I was amazed at this because I couldn't understand how one person could get all of these fine women like this. I mean, he wasn't the best-looking dude in the business—there were others with more money, more prestige, and certainly better looks than him. Still, he was a master at keeping a stack of solid tens at all times, with commitments to none of them. I'd heard about these superplayers with supermodels on their arms and everything, but when I saw it up close, I was amazed at how the actual connections could happen, and especially why these women stayed with this guy, knowing that they were one of many hanging on his arm.
So I sat down and talked to this guy and a bunch of other men who were in similar "relationships" and asked them point-blank: How do you keep these women coming back for more? And each one, including the most notorious of the bunch, laughed, shook his head, and said pretty much the same thing: those women want the money, the fame, and the lifestyle, and they're willing to put up with a lot of things—not many of them good—to get it. It just is what it is. And each time I asked them what could have made it different for the women they were with, almost down to the letter, each one of those men said the same thing: if a woman came to me and quizzed me up front about my intentions, they would have known from the beginning that I'm not looking for anything serious.
They don't ask, each one said, because they think they're going to run me off, so I get to just string them along. And the one celebrity who seemed to be the master of all of this said, quite simply, "I have enough of them so that when I get the questions, I don't have to answer because for every one woman who asks, I have two more who won't.
But that's how it is. And this kind of thinking from guys isn't just happening in celebrity circles, trust me. Some of them have as many women as some of my celebrity friends, and the women they run game on are just Only serious ladies please fine as some of the supermodels clinging to the arms of stars.
But if you're a woman on a string of three or thirty-three, you're still on a string. And both you and I know that's not a good place to be. Your objective is to avoid being on the string. The first step, I think, is to get over the fear of losing a man by confronting him. Just stop being afraid, already. The most successful people in this world recognize that taking chances to get what they want is much more productive than sitting around being too scared to take a shot. The same philosophy can easily be applied to dating: if putting your requirements on the table means you risk him walking away, it's a risk Only serious ladies please have to take.
Because that fear can trip you up every time; all too many of you let the guy get away with disrespecting you, putting in minimal effort and holding out on the commitment to you because you're afraid he's going to Only serious ladies please away and you'll be alone again.
And we men? We recognize this and play on it, big time. Know this: the game is old, and it's not ever going to change. My sons will do it the same way because they can and there will be women who allow it to happen. How do you do this? Start by making the man be really clear up front about what he wants out of his life and his relationship with you.
You do this by asking him these key five questions— questions that will help you determine right away what values this guy has and how you fit into his plans. Asking these questions will help you determine whether you should stick around to see where your relationship goes, or if you should run really fast in the opposite direction.
Note: There's no need to delay asking these questions—ask them right away, as soon as you think you might be remotely attracted to a man you've met. If he's turned off by the questions, so what: you have the right to the information. And if he isn't willing to answer them, well you know from the gate he's not the one for you.
If you're going to get into a relationship with a man, you should know what his plans are and how they fit into the key elements that make a man—who he is, what he Only serious ladies please, and how Only serious ladies please he makes. These three things, as I've already told you, are extremely important to any mature, grown man, and you have every right to know what he's doing right now, and what he's planning over the next three to five years, to be the real, grown man he wants to be.
His answer also will help you determine whether you want to be a part of that plan or not. You'll know to throw up your much-needed red flag if he doesn't have a plan at all. If he's got a plan, well great. Men love to talk about themselves. We do this because we know that in order to catch you, we have to impress you. So allow us to impress. Say things like, "Wow, how did you get into that field? Maybe you can even see yourself helping him study or being there for him at graduation and giving him suggestions for how to transform himself from the blue-collar worker who installs the cable to the engineer who helps build the technology for the cable company.
But if you ask him what his short-term goals are, and he tells you something crazy, like "I'm in street pharmaceuticals, and right now I have one block but my goal in the next few years is to have ten blocks on the west side from Henry Street to Brown Street," well, then you know right then and there that you can go on ahead and keep it moving. The same applies to the man who states his short-term goals, but clearly has no plan to implement them. For instance, if he says his dream is to be a producer, but he's not doing anything in the field to actually become one—he's not interning or working for a film com-pany, he's not writing or reading any scripts, he's not making any connections in the industry that might open some doors for him, he hasn't worked for four months and has no prospects of a job in the field he says he's interested in—then you know this man doesn't have a plan.
And if he doesn't have a plan, he's not going to achieve his short-term goal—or it's really not a goal, he's just talking out of his behind. Just stick to your own. Trust me on this: a man who really has a vision for where he wants to see himself in ten years has looked into his future and seriously considered what it'll take for him to get there. It means he has foresight, and he's plotting out the steps to his future. If he says something silly like "I'm just trying to make it day by day," run. If his long-term plan is the same as his short-term plan, get out.
Because his answer tells you that he hasn't thought his life through, or he doesn't see you in it and so he has no reason to divulge the details to you. All he's got for you is game. If he doesn't have a plan, why do you want him to stick around, anyway? The man you should consider spending a little time on is the one who has a plan—a well-thought-out plan that you can see yourself in.
Because please believe me when I tell you—and like I told you in an earlier chapter—a man always has a plan. I know I did when I first started working as a comedian. It took me about eight years, but I managed to meet my financial goal—and I was happy about that, too.
And I knew I wanted a piece of that action.
His success made me realize that there was something to this comedy thing—that I needed to set in place a long-term plan that would afford me the kind of life I could see was possible for a comedian. I envisioned my life this way, and then created a plan for how I was going to get it. Now, I knew it wasn't going to be easy—that it would take time, because there were very few comedy clubs where you could make that kind of money, and you had to have the right connections and a great team to help get you there.
But the point is, I had a long-term plan, with steps on how I was going to get there. Eventually, I reached those goals and then some. Once you hear your potential mate's answer to questions one and two, you'll have a firm understanding of the kind of man you're dealing with. Do not tie your life together with a human being who does not have a plan, because you'll find out that if he's not going anywhere, sooner or later, you'll be stuck, too. Now this one is a multiple-part question that sizes up how a man feels about a gamut of relationships—from how he feels about his parents and kids to his connection with God.
Each answer will reveal a lot more about him—whether he's serious about commitment, the kind of household in which he was raised, what kind of father and husband he might be, whether he knows the Lord, all of that. And the only way you'll find out the answers to these questions is to ask.
And don't be shy or nervous about asking these questions, either, because what are you supposed to be doing with this man if not talking to him? If he has a problem talking about this right here, then something's wrong. First, Only serious ladies please out how he feels about family. What are his views on it? Does he want a family? How does he feel about children?
If you havetell your man about him or her—it's his business to know, but more important, it's your business to find out if he sees himself being a father. If he doesn't want kids and you do, then you can stop all of this right now. Please know that if a man says he doesn't want kids, he's probably not going to change his mind, regardless of the intensity of his feelings for you.
Moreover, if he doesn't like kids and you already have them, where, exactly, is this relationship going? Next, ask him about his relationship with his mother.
It's the first relationship a man has with a woman, and if he has a good track record with her, then chances are he knows how to treat a woman with respect and has some kind of idea of how to profess, provide, and protect not only a Only serious ladies please but a potential family, too. We learn to protect her and provide for her; we learn about the basic core of love for a woman from her. Indeed, if a man is at odds with his mother, it's a safe bet that he's going to be at odds with you. If you hear any part of "Man, me and my mother?
We just don't get along. After you find out how he feels about his mother, ask him about his father. If he had a great relationship with his dad, then he was probably raised with a core set of values that he'll bring to your potential home together. Now, I understand that a whole host of men grew up without fathers in their households, but chances are that the man you're interested in had a male role model in his life who showed him the ropes of manhood, or perhaps the absence of his own father taught him a few things about what he doesn't want to do when he becomes a father.
At any rate, ask questions about his relationship with his father, and his answers are bound to reveal the kind of father he just might turn out to be. You're also going to have to ask him about his relationship with God. Let me be direct: if you meet a man who doesn't have a relationship with God, he doesn't go to church and has no intention of ever going, and he has no belief system he can point to as a guiding force in his life, then it's a problem.
After all, what moral barometer does he answer to if not to God? What's going to make him even consider being loyal to you? What's going to make him do right by you and the kids? What's going to make him feel whole? I'm not saying that you shouldn't date a man who doesn't go to church, or who has a different belief system than you. But if his core beliefs don't match up with yours, you're likely to have a problem.
These next two questions should be asked after you've been talking and dating for a while.Only serious ladies please
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The Best Book of Two Serious Ladies by Jane Bowles