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Please read and accept the terms and conditions and check the box to generate a sharing link. Sex is perceived as crucial to relationship success. This article reveals how sexual intimacy is part of the relationship work that couples ordinarily complete to sustain their partnerships over time.

Findings presented here derive from a multiple methods study with 50 long-term heterosexual and LGBTQ partnerships. The article demonstrates how the absence of normative sexual scripts enables queer couples to more readily manage sexual discrepancies. Gendered differences and inequalities persist within many heterosexual relationships while reflexivity and increased openness characterize queer coupledom.

Women and LGBTQ couples are more inclined to deploy humour to diffuse difficult situations Beautiful couples wants group sex Lincoln in this context gay men are akin to women more so than heterosexual men. Urban myths on sex saturate contemporary society: from every shade of grey to the folklore of enduring bed-death. Disparities in sexual desire do in many instances persist for women and men but these cannot be reduced to gender. Findings reveal that LGBTQ couples drew upon varied resources emotional, personal and cultural to work through sexual problems and establish mutually satisfying solutions that Beautiful couples wants group sex Lincoln for both individuals and the overall partnership.

Notwithstanding a supportive partnership, heterosexual men found discrepancies in desire particularly difficult to manage. Women and queer men often diffused emotionally fraught sexual scenarios through humour, while heterosexual men were not able to do so and instead found the experience of sexual dysfunction personally undermining.

The inclusion of a sexually diverse sample thus does more than update existing knowledge by expanding analysis to cover a wider population; it advances nuanced understanding of the ways in which gender and sexuality intersect to shape contemporary experiences of sexual intimacy in long-term partnerships.

How do couples negotiate hetero-gender and the cultural sexual scripts that frame experiences of sexual intimacy? There is a ificant body of research on the gendered dimensions of sexual frequency in couple relationships and most studies concur that sex declines in frequency over time and markedly so with the onset of parenthood Call et al. Studies resoundingly show that marital satisfaction is ificantly and positively associated with sexual satisfaction Blumstein and Schwartz, and there is a positive correlation between relationship satisfaction and sexual frequency Smith et al.

The majority of people believe their sex life to be important to relationship quality Undy et al. Set against this conjugal functionality, it is argued that hetero-sex replicates broader patterns of gender inequality Erickson, Potentially disrupting these heteronormative relationship norms, population-level findings from NATSAL on the patterning of sexual behaviour, attitudes, health and well-being in the UK evidence increasing rates of sexual activity for women alongside growing sexual experimentation Mercer et al.

These trends are accompanied by and indicative of wider shifts in social tolerance and sexual liberalism across the UK population more broadly Duncan and Phillips, Young people especially are challenging the heteronormative containment of gender and sexualities Renold and Ivinson, While comparative studies of same-sex and heterosexual partnerships have demonstrated that close dyadic partnerships predominantly work in similar ways Kurdek,sexual differences remain; for example, experiences and attitudes towards sexual fidelity notably diverge Kurdek, Same-sex couples are more likely than heterosexual counterparts to aspire to the guiding principles of equality and open-mindedness and more so than generations Heaphy et al.

LGBTQ intimacy is structured through and manifested in relation to a partner rather than gendered differences per se Umberson et al.

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Studies of trans experience are small in scale and but there is evidence that sexual intimacy and romantic attachments ordinarily and reactively shift over the course of transition Hines, This article deploys an interactionist approach to generate an empirically rigorous, situated embodied of hetero- and LGBTQ couple intimacy and the ways in which women and men sustain sexual relationships over time. Social interactionist approaches to sex and sexuality unpick the cultural fabric that underpins sex studies. Sexual encounters can involve active agency; so, for example, women may often enjoy the pursuit and pleasures of female sexuality, but such experiences are nevertheless manifested in predictable patterns Jackson and Scott, Intimate interactions thus remain simultaneously situated in the private sphere of relationships and the public world of heteronormative coupledom.

They operate in accordance with wider circuits of power that structure personal meanings and the economies of intimate transaction. These rules inform how people make sense of feelings and the emotional landscapes that shape interpersonal experience. This does not support the thesis that the long-term monogamous relationship is so labour intensive and statistically prone to failure that by definition coupledom is not working Kipnis, : Instead, sexual intimacy Beautiful couples wants group sex Lincoln seen as a crucial factor within the working relationship rubric.

In this article I thus provide novel insight into the ways in which sex functions as one of the relationship maintenance behaviours that couples complete to sustain their partnerships over time. Sexual intimacy takes the form of emotional labour as couples strive to manage the bodily and psychosexual changes that occur over life course. The Enduring Love? Umbrella terms are not used to occlude gender or the particularity of experience of lesbians, gay men, bisexual women and men, trans people and non-binary queers; these dimensions are addressed through focused analysis of distinct differences between sexual minority sample groups and through attention to individual experiences.

To consolidate arguments on the intersections of gender, sexuality and age, and add another analytical dimension, summary demographic information is provided for all participants quoted.

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The qualitative research de aimed to facilitate interrogation of the minutiae of relationships, using proven techniques developed to study intimacy and everyday personal life Gabb, Over the course of one week individuals completed a diary and emotion map, generating data on routine interactions. Emotion maps required participants to locate where interactions and activities took place in the household and between whom.

Interactions experienced between the participant and their partner, children, family, friends, pets and so on were then marked onto the floor plan using a set of different coloured stickers for each character. Finally, using topic-focused collages, couples were interviewed together to explore the relationship dynamic and their discursive crafting of a shared couple story. All qualitative data were sorted through NVivo10 data management software using thematic coding that has its roots in grounded theory Charmaz, First stage deductive analysis was completed using the guiding theoretical themes in extant literature; this usefully identified patterns of experience across the dataset but it was less successful in picking up the ordinary moments that characterize everyday experience Gabb and Fink, Second stage inductive analysis was therefore undertaken through iterative reading of data.

Code validity was achieved through discussion and review at research team meetings, with concepts and the interpretation of behaviours being tested and evaluated throughout the first and second stage of analysis.

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A coding frame of 25 items was agreed upon once theoretical saturation was reached. To facilitate mixed methods analysis, this coding frame was used for both the survey 1 and qualitative multiple methods datasets. The project team included six researchers in total and included a range of ages, sexualities and class backgrounds; there was also diversity in national and cultural heritage. Researcher standpoints and biographies were tabled during project team discussions including any associated biases.

Participant recruitment was driven by a sampling frame that was structured by demographic variables rather than relationship forms or practices. Corroborating studies, heterosexual relationships were often structured through gendered inequalities. I told her that. She compromises, possibly [laughs].

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Conventional and highly gendered sexual labour was completed as relationship maintenance behaviour as part of the heterosexual contract that was tacitly agreed upon. These couples, therefore, seem out of step with the contemporary intimacies reported in population-level Mercer et al. Differences in desire did not necessarily appear as a source of tension between couples however. Contrasting with majority sex research Smith et al. Partners had different likes and dislikes, wants and needs, in many areas.

Moreover, disparities like those presented by Lillian and Vinod were in many ways atypical. There was plentiful evidence across the dataset of active female sexual desire and several heterosexual women spoke about having more interest in sex than their male partner.

In these instances the influence of gendered norms was nevertheless still present and in their interviews women completed discursive work to explain such contrarieties.

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I like to have sex more often than I think he does. For heterosexual couples the relationship work that is undertaken to make sense of sexual experiences that run against the cultural grain is typically twofold. This second layer of work shores up social mores which characterize men as the sexual driver in relationships even when personal experience and sexual practices demonstrate the fallacy of this metanarrative.

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The inclusion of sexual minority couples within the study sample provides analytical nuance to this gendered characterization of female—male desire. Heteronormative practices of meaning-making become unsettled in and through same-sex relationships Gabb, Here too, sexual intimacy symbolized emotional closeness. Comparable data from heterosexual and same-sex partnerships stop the meanings afforded to sex being reduced to gender differences.

Sexuality is a ificant and defining feature that queers bifurcation. In same-sex couples cultural scripts were sometimes invoked to make sense of sexual differences, but these were quite distinctive to those of heterosexual counterparts. She attributes this to family upbringing: her parents were not demonstrative and this, therefore, is her familiar and thus most comfortable emotional register.

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Both women agree that this does not make her undemonstrative, but her means of emotional expression take different forms, such as loving gestures and tokens of affection rather than physical affection. Such findings corroborate extant research which suggests that women are more inclined than men to engage in relationship work that will ameliorate incongruence in sexual desire and any concomitant distress that may ensue from this, and lesbians more so than heterosexual women Paine et al. In contrast to heterosexual couples though, the relationship work that was taking place here around the management of sex aimed to reach a mutually satisfying solution for both parties and not simply appease the more sexually-inclined partner.

Similarly so for Matthew cited earlier on and his partner, who refuted the association between sex and power. LGBTQ relationships may thus be similar to heterosexual counterparts in some ways but they were also distinctive. Another differentiating feature between LGBTQ and heterosexual relationships was how couples managed the boundaries of sexual intimacy. In the Enduring Love? Some of the changes that Debs alludes to were associated with the impact of children on the couple relationship dynamic. Sex was currently contained by the temporality, presence and household dynamic of family life, but she is also talking beyond the materialities of parenthood as she reflected upon the fluidity of sex and sexualities outside the heteronorm.

LGBTQ sex is not prescribed but is something to be worked at, and enjoyably so.

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